It's hard.......it's really hard. It's so hard that my heart begins to bleed at the idea of not trying. I feel that if I don't, everything will change. Feelings will dull, memories will fade, my heart will move, and that which made me so rich will become cheapened by shiny things ahead. As healthy as it may be in the minds of some; I can't help but feel from my heart, that I would be betraying myself if I didn't keep an eye ahead and an a eye behind. Some people can effect us in such profound ways, sometimes it can be necessary to move on without those special influences. But on rare occasion, despite how dramatically circumstances between you can change, something inside stops you from walking away. It's hard not to look back.
I turn to glance.......I see her silhouette against an empty wall, the shimmer in her enchanting eyes, the wave through her flowing hair, the glow in her subtle countenance. My breath leaves my chest all over again, as if it's my first time laying eyes. In that moment everything slips away from my focus and all I can see or feel, is her. How is it done? How can small features, moments, details have such profound implications in the way we feel? How does the sound of her voice bring an overwhelming sense of safety? How does the memory of her embrace still cause me the greatest sense of achievement? How is it when I look into a crowd and imagine her standing amidst hundreds of strangers, I still shiver with anxious excitement? The feelings caused by what the heart latches to, are so powerful that often they give us reasons to move. Sometimes it can be hard to remember why we work hard, why we try to be likable, why we strive to do good, why we chase after our dreams. But within our hearts lies the inevitable truth that applies to all who breath, love is our greatest motivation. These feelings I reflect upon, they are what fuel my movement, my aspirations, my breath.
Anthony Hopkins in the film "Meet Joe Black" plays the character Bill Parish. His character gives this perfectly worded advice to his daughter who is amidst much confusion on the subject of love.
"To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well ya haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
If falling in love is one of the most essential parts of living, how can we move past it so quickly once it becomes complicated, confused, or lost? It's almost as if we should reach out as far as we can to hold on to the love that came our way and never forget the gift that it was. How can you cheapen the value of something that you held so precious for a time by moving past it the second your circumstances change? Sometimes you have to forget and move forward, but other times, it feels important to hold on to what we had, to look back and love what we were given. Even if what you had will never come to be yours again, you can still love what you had. So as I reluctantly move forward, I can't help but follow my hearts desire, and keep one eye fixed on what was to continue my journey ahead. Sometimes it can be hard to look forward, but I feel, it's harder not to. So...How Do I Sound?
