When It Rains....

                 There's two types of rain in life, rain that makes you feel more alive and rain that just pours so hard it forces you to collapse.  Personally, I love rain.  The sound it makes as it lands on the roof, the smell as it first starts to hit concrete, the dark shades it brings to the cloudy sky's above, and the feeling of excitement that builds in your chest and causes you to exclaim, "It's Raining!"  I remember being kid on a rainy day, no matter what was going on, nothing else mattered simply cause it was raining.  I miss that, sometimes I will be sitting in school or work when it's raining and I think to myself, "Why on earth are we inside during weather like this, we should be excused."  If only life worked like that.  Whenever something good came our way, we would be given time to observe the richness of that personal joy.  But since life is not like that, we have to enjoy the very brief moments and brushes we have with those events that bring us pure happiness.

                There were times however, when the rain would fall so hard it was scary. Sometimes the rain can come so quick and heavy, that the storm can become terrifying very quickly.  The water can gather so quickly that the parking lots flood in a matter of seconds and as thunder strikes, it shakes everything around you.  Sometimes we want rain to come so badly that we don't anticipate the rain to be more than we can handle.  Sometimes, the rain is the exact opposite of what we had hoped for.  We end up having to find joy by trial, which is definitely worth while, but is not at all enjoyable or easy going through.  Whenever the rain became too hard, I would always just have to go to my bed, curl up in my blanket and wait it through.  The entire time trusting that the rain would let up, and things would be better eventually.

                 So rain, I love sitting through the rain, walking in the rain, dancing in the rain, kissing in the rain, looking at the rain, smelling the rain, and feeling the feelings that rain brings.  And as much as I can be terrified by a torrential rain storm, I welcome the harsh rain.  I look at the fear and pain that can come from a hard rain, and all you can do is love it.  Because that fear and pain is only temporary, take it, feel it, learn from it, grow from it, and love it.  Who knows what will happen when it rains, just welcome it. So.....How Do I Sound?

Broken

Broken

A pale light flickers and in my sight surrenders.  I look back upon smiles and the number I should dial.  Within the receiver I could believe that I hear her, and in my minds eye I could try to summon the words I need to make things right.  A second chance to burn our light, to keep myself from fading.

The questions inside of me are solved by your answers and I feel so incomplete without all your laughter.  Just give me the strength to be your favorite liar.  Do we need time?  Was I asking too much?  Lift up my eyes and I could keep on breathing, but without your light, I'll be broken.

In silence and in static, have patience don't panic.  I'm your satellite, if you're the cure to these troubled nights I endure. Send a sign, I'm listening for a reply from the days I've been missing.  Please don't be late, I couldn't escape the snare and every sting of yesterday.  Was it nothing more than a memory or just a sweet beginning?  

The questions inside of me are solved by your answers and I feel so incomplete without all your laughter.  Just give me the strength to be your favorite liar.  Do we need time?  Was I asking too much?  Lift up my eyes and I could keep on breathing, but without your light, I'll be broken.

So I'll peel my eyes for every shining star, as I try to recognize the person you are.  Watching.  Waiting.  Thinking.  Sinking.  Don't stand and wave goodbye or I'll be broken.

So, How Do I Sound?

Silence

“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”                                                                 -Elbert Hubbard



          I often have trouble with silence, whether it's I who have to be silent, or just being surrounded by it.  I always feel somewhat unsettled by the lack of sound. Right now, silence seems to be the hardest word to hold.  It's strange, something in my life goes wrong and what do I do?  I tend to turn to silence for help.  The one thing that I can never seem to get a grip on.  To be completely honest, the silence makes me extremely uneasy.  I am an expressive person, I love being able to show who I really am through my voice and my actions.  But at times, I feel handcuffed from doing either of these natural impulses.  Not by force, but by choice.  Extremely hesitant choice.  I don't want to make the wrong move, or say the wrong thing.  I don't want to ruin what's still there, and yet find out what actually is not.  As wonderful as truth is, it can be as sharp as a knife sometimes; and when your already in exhausting pain, you really don't feel like testing the waters any further.  

“Seeing her sitting there unresponsive makes me realize that silence has a sound.” 

― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

             So I guess my motivator to remain silent is fear.  Fear of not being enough, or not being able to measure up in my own mind more so than the minds of others.  There is a great deal of power in fear, but what really matters I'm finding out, is how you use your fear.  So my fear can be the motivator behind my irritating silence.  I'm not sure how long my silence will take to straighten out things in my minds view when things go wrong, but I know silence really does speak louder than anything I can say.  Sometimes, you just have to be quiet in voice and in action; and hope as hard as you can, that the day will come when you can break your silence.  So, how do I sound?